Probably more than anyone needs to know...

OK... so I know I've been "sans-LJ" lately... and I only seem to come here to cry or bitch...

But I have to cry and bitch...

You know our new car... that we got back in January... that loverly FJ Cruiser?

Well... last night... IT WAS STOLEN! Right from our parking spot right-outside our kitchen door!

Holy crap... I don't even know how to feel.

Is it the heat? Allergies? Or life?

Breath...
Take it all one-step-at-a-time...
Stop and smell the roses...

Those phrases have been running through my head yesterday and today... it kind of sums-up the "overwhelmed" feelings I've been having. Life seems to be moving way to fast lately... and Barry and I are having difficulty staying on-top of things. Although, honestly, it's not like we're really falling behind, it just feels that way. Like there's too much we have to do and no time to do it... but in all honesty, it's not really important stuff.

Take, for example, the boxes in the house... we have WAY too much crap... and we totally need to go through it and purge... we can't find things (like our walkie-talkies we want for camp)... and the boxes just loom over us. Barry got frustrated... and told me he was going to throw out my crap... Not once, or twice, but several times. It upset me... there's better ways of dealing with this then simply throwing things away. There's got to be a way of working on this together.

But I digress... what was only meant to be an example and turned into a whole paragraph. Things are hectic... we have lots to do... keeping on-top of the house, chores, food, nightly outings, TV, new camper, campground activities, campground-projects (like deck and guest house)... Akkk! And, I'm forgetting things again -- double-booking things -- like my friend's wedding and a friend's visit to camp both this weekend. I hate when I do that...

I meant to post about my weekend... but instead, I'm posting about how I feel right now... it's interesting... I think I'll restart a new post about my weekend... this one has just got me all upset now.

I voted at lunch today...

Once again, felt all weird going to vote... thinking things like "why am I doing this?"... Honestly, I don't feel empowered when I vote... I don't feel like I'm really making a difference. It's probably the biggest hurdle to convincing [young] people to vote: making them feel like they actually are making a difference... but even when you know the theory that "every vote counts", it still just feels like a drop in the bucket. (But, yes, the bucket would never get full if it didn't have all the drops going in.)

It's such a weird experience voting in a "small town" like this (I've never voted in a "big town" though, so I wonder if it's really any different)... they have you sign a book next to your name -- and the signature they have on file for me is still the one from my original driver's license back 15 years ago -- I DON'T SIGN MY NAME THAT WAY ANYMORE... I don't know how many times I've requested that they update it... but I have no idea how to get them to do it. It looks so silly when I see my old signature and then put my quick scribble next to it now.

Also, my neighbor was a volunteer at the polling place... that was a bit weird because I don't remember her name -- I confuse her with her sister... I hate that, I need to remember which is which... but I digress, that's not the weird part... the weird part was having her there, while all of them are shouting between each other "he's a Democrat" and such. I mean, I thought it was a bit odd. Plus, I was standing there with my PA-GALA flier (the gay and lesbian endorsements)... why do I get so hung-up and nervous about what others think??!

So finally... the exciting NEW thing was the new computerized voting machines -- touch screen... SO much easier to read and understand what and who I was voting for... and made me much more confident that I wasn't forgetting to vote for someone or something (like the questions that I missed a couple years ago). They put a nice summary up on the screen before you complete your entry. Although it was a little odd that I felt like I wasn't actually "voting" because I didn't move anything "physical" (no tabs or levers, etc)... I mean, now it would be even easier for someone to rig the system and change the numbers, right? There's no physical trace? Oh well... I honestly can't wait until we can just vote via the internet -- how much better would that be?! I wouldn't feel pressured to vote and could take my time looking over the endorsements while voting... and that weird, old guy wouldn't be looking over my shoulder as I voted.

Oh well... I did my civic duty for the day... I voted... and I feel confident that I voted because of the endorsements I followed when voting... I'm glad there's an organization like PA-GALA to give me a list of who to vote for. I would never judge a candidate based solely on those stupid placards and ads and mailings they bombard everyone with... those are just stupid and a waste of money... and they only tell you what that candidate wants you to hear.

I even did a write-in... I mean, why the heck are there write-ins? Didn't these people get their names in on time? Or didn't they have the money to get on the ballot? or what? If it's the first one (not on time), well, then they shouldn't be a good candidate if they can't even run properly. If it's the second (not enough funds), well, then that's just terrible -- because it shouldn't cost anything to run for a position... that's just empowering the rich. But, regardless, I did the write-in as directed by PA-GALA.

I feel good that I voted... I feel good that I voted in a way that will support gay/lesbians... but I don't feel that I actually had any real input in the government... I feel like I'm just a pawn in a big political game. That's what I don't like about voting day... it makes me feel small and stupid... and honestly not empowering at all.

OK... so I realized as I was walking into the building just now... that I'm bitchy today... no, not just bad mood... I'm CRAPPY BITCHY DON"T GET IN MY WAY FUCK YOU ASSHOLE bitchy... I'm in such a bad ass fucking mood. I'm dealing with ultimatums and trapping demands... I have to deal with fucking assholes in my condo that aren't paying their condo fees... I have idiots that work with me that just don't get things...

FUCK... I feel sorry for the person who crosses me today... I didn't even put on that fake "good morning" smile for the security guard at the entrance.

EDIT: Strangely enough... just writing that out made me feel a little better.

OK... so I'm sitting here doing work... la-la-la... WHAM!!!!!!!! Our documents server is gone. And I look in my email and see this:

Hi All,
Please be advised that the LVIATHAN2 server - aka USLVIATHAN2 aka the K drive - has suffered a complete failure and cannot be restored.

I have been advised by the Desktop Support group that nothing can be done to recover the data - it is gone.

The GSC has been informed to not open any more tickets and to close any that have been opened.

I have no more details at this time.

I was also informed that LVIATHAN1 has reached its life cycle as well and can fail at any moment - therefore - I advise anyone with files on that server to move them asap.

As I hear more info I will keep you posted -but I am being told that the chances of recovering anything from LVIATHAN2 are nil.

OMG! This is absolutely crazy. And some follow-up emails only confirmed that our company's out-sourced-tech-support is absolutely worthless and crap! They originally just said "Sorry, we can't recover your stuff" even though everyone knows that they (are supposed to) take nightly backups of the server. When faced with that they said, "Oh, well, we need a whole server to restore to, and we don't have any available." Which MUST be bullcrap, I can't believe that a backup plan would be that faulty... especially in a billion-dollar company like this. What crap.

Well... at least I have some personal backups I made a couple months ago (may have one from a few weeks ago too, I have to look at home)... Take this as a lesson -- SAVE YOUR WORK IN TWO PLACES AND BACK-UP NOW if you haven't backed up in a few days.

*rant*
OK... so this morning I'm watching CNN Headline News... They start interviewing Iraqis in Michigan about voting. First off, why are Iraqians living and working in America? And I'm not talking about one or two... there were a lot of them... a lot. Second, why are we opening voting booths here in America for THEIR election? Why are we spending OUR money and OUR volunteers and OUR voting booths to hold THEIR election? Why are WE going out of our way? Why can't they vote by absentee just like we do? I never heard of England opening voting booths for American's living overseas on our election day? If you aren't in the states for the election, then you absentee ballot... that's just the way it is. It really frosts my flakes when we do these stupid things with our money and resources when people in our own country are hurting (jobs, food, welfare, social security, etc).
ARGH! So upsetting... THIS is why I don't watch news. I'd rather be oblivious to the whole crappy thing than be upset by it. I know that's terrible to say and won't help the situation any... but seriously, I feel helpless and upset and that I have no control over our government. I didn't vote for Bush... so I blame all the f'ing dubya supporters out there for this atrocity and for every American killed in Iraq.
*rant off*

It's amazing how fast a mood can change. I was feeling fine and then WHAM...

It's stupid really... which is what makes me even more moody -- how can I be so moody over such a stupid thing...

*sigh*

I went to have a free meeting with the Physical Trainer at the gym (part of my new membership). She took one look at me, gave me a blood pressure test, and said, "Sorry I can't do anything with you until you've seen a doctor and get a written permission slip. You're blood pressure is 148/98, and anything over 140/90 I can't talk to you."

First off, I feel like I'm a child, who needs permission from their mom. Frigg'n christ, I'm 31, and if I want to work out, frigg'n show me what I want to do... I'm old enough to know if I feel OK or not.

OK, so yes, it is probably for my own good -- but I still feel embarrassed. I feel like never stepping foot in the gym again. Whatever... I know I'm being self-conscious.

So will I make an appt with the doctor? I don't know -- I've been meaning to for quite some time now, just cause I haven't been to one in at least 4 years. But who knows... I'll probably procrastinate a few more weeks. :(

---

I feel like either going to sleep, or getting completely wasted. I know that getting wasted is not the "right" answer... so it looks like an early bedtime for me... perhaps I'll just surf the web for a few hours...