Probably more than anyone needs to know...

OMG... so I wore my "I *heart* Irish Boys" t-shirt to the celtic festival yesterday... what an experience!  It was great... so many people do this double-take when they see it.

I had (at-least) four people take my picture -- two of which I saw them taking with their cell phones (without asking, but I was OK with it)... another one of them, this really cute college-aged(?) guy came up to me and asked if he could take my picture with his friend.  I was a bit uncomfortable, but of-course I said yes.  I was uncomfortable because about five minutes earlier I had this guy come up to me and make a point to read the shirt and then mean-spirited & loudly yell back to his friends, "OMG, it does say 'Boys'... ugh!" whatever asshole.  So anyway, this other guy that wanted to take my picture seemed nice -- assumedly completely straight, but obviously not narrow, or at least good-natured about it.  He introduces me to his friend Shane(?) who was this ADORABLE Irish-looking guy... and said put your arm around him... I have to remember this tomorrow... They were drunk, and good natured about it, and they were cute... I'm such a sucker for a cutie... But what I think I want to remember most about them was as I was walking away from them, they said (without intentions of me hearing I don't think), "That's one brave man" and then they laughed -- but in a really fun way, not a "laugh-at-me" way.  That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... and totally counteracted the asshole from a few minutes earlier.  It's interesting how life can do that... 

Anyway... wearing the shirt all day was a blast... I just kept a smile on my face and I think that's what made it OK to so many people... If I was prissy and mean, I bet I could have gotten into a fight or something about it.  But because I just smiled and laughed at it (at myself) it was a really fun time.  I loved just stopping and standing in the crowd while I would wait for my friends (in line for food or beer or something) and watching the people do little double takes or smile or sometimes even point... LOL!  I guess I do have to admit that I like the attention... *sigh* am I an attention whore?  Oh well, so be it... That shirt is definitely being worn again next year!

I do have to admit though that I only really enjoyed it when my friends were around.  When I walked away once to use the porta-pottie, I felt "alone" and a little afraid of "what if"... being in a crowd, or even with just one friend, made me feel comfortable and accepted... but being alone was really a little frightening for me.  And at the end of the night when I was tired and considering walking home alone because I just wanted to go home, I thought about the shirt and the dark alleys I would be walking through to get home, and I reconsidered and decided that I wouldn't.  Sad that I have to feel that way... practical I guess, but sad none-the-less.  Times like that when I wish gay bashing wasn't a reality.  ...  Well, I hope, that my little shirt may have helped "spread the love" a bit around Bethlehem yesterday.

PS: I'm waiting on a picture from my friend of me in the shirt... I'll post when I get it... :) 
 

Barry and I drove to Philly after work to meet my brother (Peter Alan) and his wife and two kids for dinner. They are visiting Philly (from Ohio) for four days... and I didn't want their visit to go by (being so close) without getting to see them. It was nice to join them for dinner... and the dinner was very good (BTW)... "White Dog Cafe" -- good food, and all organic and stuff. I'm not a big "organic" person, shall we say, but when presented with such great choices... I'm all-for-it... and it didn't disappoint.

Barry took-off Thursday... so that we could spend it with Peter and his family in Hershey... but when we brought up the suggestion with them, I immediately realized that my suspicions that they really wanted a "family" vacation (with just themselves) was correct... they really wanted to spend the day with just their kids in Hershey... which I completely understand. I remember trips with my family and there weren't aunts and uncles involved in those trips... so I can understand wanting to have some "family time"... I admit that it would have been fun to go to Hershey... and I think Barry was sad to not go... but I think we'll make good use of the day... and perhaps make a four day weekend out of it... :)

Barry was driving like a manic there and back. I have no idea what the heck "speed bug" got into his shorts this evening... all I know is that I got so nervous and pissed at him that I just closed my eyes and leaned-back in the seat and tried hard not to think about cars flipping hood-over-trunk. (And trust me, having seen a car do that in-front of me two years ago, it's a hard image not to have in my head.) Yes... I actually was singing "these are a few of my favorite things" ("snowflakes that stay on your nose and eye lashes, brown paper packages tied up with strings") in my head to try and stay calm.

Once home, we watched some TV... and Barry went to bed... Kim called and was out at the Brew Works... I needed a beer, and being that it may possibly be the last Tuesday Night* that she'd be here in Bethlehem... so, I went out to join her for a few beers. It was really nice, kicking-back and drinking some beers, and shooting-the-bull. :) Very nice. (*We used to have this tradition of going out on Tuesday nights... and closing the bar... it started several years ago on a St Patrick's night... and ever since then, "Tuesday Night" has been special to us.)

Now I'm here... at 3:30am... and watching my music-videos on TV... and updating Live Journal... thinking about how I SHOULD be tired... but I'm not. *sigh*

PS: Two responses to my "coming out" emails earlier... both very positive. *yay!*

I voted at lunch today...

Once again, felt all weird going to vote... thinking things like "why am I doing this?"... Honestly, I don't feel empowered when I vote... I don't feel like I'm really making a difference. It's probably the biggest hurdle to convincing [young] people to vote: making them feel like they actually are making a difference... but even when you know the theory that "every vote counts", it still just feels like a drop in the bucket. (But, yes, the bucket would never get full if it didn't have all the drops going in.)

It's such a weird experience voting in a "small town" like this (I've never voted in a "big town" though, so I wonder if it's really any different)... they have you sign a book next to your name -- and the signature they have on file for me is still the one from my original driver's license back 15 years ago -- I DON'T SIGN MY NAME THAT WAY ANYMORE... I don't know how many times I've requested that they update it... but I have no idea how to get them to do it. It looks so silly when I see my old signature and then put my quick scribble next to it now.

Also, my neighbor was a volunteer at the polling place... that was a bit weird because I don't remember her name -- I confuse her with her sister... I hate that, I need to remember which is which... but I digress, that's not the weird part... the weird part was having her there, while all of them are shouting between each other "he's a Democrat" and such. I mean, I thought it was a bit odd. Plus, I was standing there with my PA-GALA flier (the gay and lesbian endorsements)... why do I get so hung-up and nervous about what others think??!

So finally... the exciting NEW thing was the new computerized voting machines -- touch screen... SO much easier to read and understand what and who I was voting for... and made me much more confident that I wasn't forgetting to vote for someone or something (like the questions that I missed a couple years ago). They put a nice summary up on the screen before you complete your entry. Although it was a little odd that I felt like I wasn't actually "voting" because I didn't move anything "physical" (no tabs or levers, etc)... I mean, now it would be even easier for someone to rig the system and change the numbers, right? There's no physical trace? Oh well... I honestly can't wait until we can just vote via the internet -- how much better would that be?! I wouldn't feel pressured to vote and could take my time looking over the endorsements while voting... and that weird, old guy wouldn't be looking over my shoulder as I voted.

Oh well... I did my civic duty for the day... I voted... and I feel confident that I voted because of the endorsements I followed when voting... I'm glad there's an organization like PA-GALA to give me a list of who to vote for. I would never judge a candidate based solely on those stupid placards and ads and mailings they bombard everyone with... those are just stupid and a waste of money... and they only tell you what that candidate wants you to hear.

I even did a write-in... I mean, why the heck are there write-ins? Didn't these people get their names in on time? Or didn't they have the money to get on the ballot? or what? If it's the first one (not on time), well, then they shouldn't be a good candidate if they can't even run properly. If it's the second (not enough funds), well, then that's just terrible -- because it shouldn't cost anything to run for a position... that's just empowering the rich. But, regardless, I did the write-in as directed by PA-GALA.

I feel good that I voted... I feel good that I voted in a way that will support gay/lesbians... but I don't feel that I actually had any real input in the government... I feel like I'm just a pawn in a big political game. That's what I don't like about voting day... it makes me feel small and stupid... and honestly not empowering at all.

Last Thursday evening, Barry and I went to "Beer Bellies" for some drinks with his coworkers. "Some drinks" turned into "many pitchers of beer"... It was a good time though (even though felt like crap all day Friday). I even did some "drunk dialing" (you know, where you call someone to tell them your drunk or something random and stupid, but then don't remember making the call the next day). Too bad I didn't call and leave a drunk LJ posting.

Friday I worked a half-day at home. Then Barry and I ran some errands and went up to camp. The theme this weekend was "Leather Weekend" -- which means that they had the "Dungeon" setup (or playroom where anything goes, as long as you do it naked or with leather). It was a fun weekend... I didn't drink much on Friday due to being hung-over... Saturday, Ken and I discussed and planned the show for July 4th weekend. So far we have 12 acts lined-up and things are looking really good. The stage is going to be incredible this year -- they are installing a lighting bar out in-front of the stage so that we can have actual all-weather theatre lights installed and pointed at the stage... I can't wait, it should be awesome! I HAVE to get working on the costumes now... and we need to come up with a good ending... that's the only thing that's worrying me right now... we must work on the finale as right now it seems pretty lame.

Sunday was Allentown Pride. The Woods had a huge float (actually two floats) in the parade and they did a wonderful job working on them. They did "The Woods: Then and Now"... it was supposed to be a spoof on how disgusting the camp was before it became gay, and how exquisite the camp is now that the gay people have moved in. I didn't really care for the idea of them having this "redneck type float" where they were basically making fun of the straight camp... I mean, isn't that really reverse discrimination -- doing to the straight people the same thing we get so upset about them doing to us? A week or so ago, they asked me to be the "straight girl" on the float and dress in really bad drag... Barry and I already had other plans for Sunday, so I couldn't be in the float... which I gladly used as an excuse not to be on the float. All-in-all, I believe the float was received well and wasn't as "bad" as I had feared it might be... time will tell I guess... but they did win "Most Creative Float" for the second year in a row. (They should have won best-of-parade, but the Diamonz "float" [people standing on a truck-bed] won probably for the sympathy-vote because it was "in-memory" of someone -- and also probably political reasons, like the amount of sponsorship and such that Diamonz does for the day.) Anyway... Barry and I went home and watched some TV... we ended up being late getting home and not able to go to the "Star of Bethlehem" concert like we had planned, but just as well, since neither of us felt that much like doing anything. We stopped by the Pride festival around 4... caught a little bit of the end of "Amber" concert... and walked around and visited with some people that we knew.

Then we came home and relaxed on the couch watching a movie and some TV. The movie was "Uptown Girls"... a cute movie, made me cry... too cute... I cried way more than I should have for such a silly, cutesy movie... but guess I had been needing "a good tear-jerker" for a while... LOL

I'm working at home today... just too lazy to go in to the office. The more I work at home, the more used-to-it I get. I'm getting spoiled... I find want to go in to the office less and less.

bearpawly made a post asking about Pride month. It brought back feelings of before I knew what Pride month was... and before I was "proud"...

I used to think, "I'm never going to be one of those flag-waving gay men in a parade or anything. I'm just going to keep to myself and be a nice, quiet gay-guy." In fact, when I first came out to people, I would often say specifically, "I'm not a flag-waving gay or anything." I was ashamed of who I was... even though I was strong enough to come out to friends and family, I still wasn't strong enough to stand against the world.

Then I walked in the New York City Pride Parade in 2001 with a group from work... 5-miles of cheering spectators and gay pride everywhere. Literally millions of onlookers. I kissed my boyfriend-at-the-time in the middle of 5th Ave in front of the Empire State Building. It was electric... something inside of me changed at that moment... I had kissed a man (full-on-lip-lock) in front of a couple thousand strangers... and it felt good... it felt empowering.

The parade changed my outlook on things a little... Made me proud that I'm an individual and shouldn't be ashamed of my feelings and attractions. And it made me happy to realize that I'm not alone.

To me, Pride month is about camaraderie and letting others know that we are just normal people -- friends and neighbors. It's not about waving a flag in someone's face... it's about waving a flag with millions of other people and feeling a part of something.