Probably more than anyone needs to know...

OK... so wow... I haven't posted (or read) LJ since mid December... and that was just to grumble about the fact that Winterfest was no-more. So really, I've been out of the loop for almost three months now...
Work has been so busy for me since November... and being that the only time I really read/update LJ is during work hours: hence why I've been out of touch... Here's a quick recap of the last three months:

Work: very busy times... creating huge updates / redesigns to my web time/project tracking system... no time to breath really...
We moved to a new building in mid-December. The new place is really nice. Commute increased from 1-mile/5-minutes to 7-miles/20-minutes. *sigh* Oh well... It was "rough" at first... but totally used to it now and seriously, it's nothing to grumble about.

Thanksgiving was nice... my sister hosted and Barry and I helped with cooking and all.

Holiday Party with labelsdc at the start of December was fun.

Got our new living room furniture... HUGE set, but really nice.

Got a real Xmas tree on Dec 9th... Was so nice to go "tree hunting" at the farm and actually saw the tree down myself. Marea and Chris joined me and housemates Ken & Don for the hunt. Marea and Chris also got their tree. It was nice... only thing that would have made it better would have been some snow on the ground and Barry to be there with us.
(Pictures of tree and living room to follow shortly.)

That night, had a good time at Bill & Jerry's annual wine-tasting party. Got snookered. :)

Annual tree-trimming party at Brian's was fun... drink a beer and hang it on the tree. What a great concept... my only concern is: after a few weeks, does the tree start to smell of rotten beer?

Got to visit campground on the 16th... weren't going to do any parties that night, but then decided at last minute to stay at hotel with Ken & Don and go to Pat's Holiday Party. Was fun... drank a lot... The next morning, our drive home wasn't so "fun"... but we made it and recovered over the next two days. :)

Christmas gift shopping went rather well... Barry and I got out several nights and managed to get everything we wanted to get. Spent one evening at Tara's getting some pearls for several of the girls on our lists (family/friends). (I helped her with her website... check it out: Perennial Designs Jewelry.)

Fantasy Football: I lost... darn... so close though... I was doing well, then really bad... then I started to do better... but it was too late... *sigh* Oh well... at least the dinner and cooking part was all done on one night and was rather fun... Todd's new house was really nice and got to play "Wii" as well, which was interesting/fun.

Christmas was very nice... I went to my traditional dinner at Grandmother N's house. That was nice to do... Barry didn't go, as we still aren't technically "out" with that side of the family yet... but I have a feeling that won't be the case for much longer... Barry's been included on my parent's xmas-card-letter for the last two years. And was in the picture they sent to all the family too this year. :) Christmas morning was at my sister's house... she being pregnant (due in March), she didn't want to travel, so all of the family (including my brother) came to her. It was such a nice day: three hours of present opening -- we take turns and really cherish each gift. Took a breakfast intermission to eat "Cheese Strata" that Barry and I made (YUM, new tradition?)... I spent the most of the day putting together my nephew's "Kenex Roller Coaster" -- It was like a big puzzle or like playing with an erector set or legos... FUN!
(Speaking of Christmas Card Letters: Once again I did not send any cards this year... I'm such a slacker... this is the second year in a row without sending any letters... *grrr* I'm so mad at myself... and yet, have I done anything to correct the situation? no... *sigh*)

New Years: Barry and I went to spend the weekend with Frank & David (our neighbors at The Woods). It was such a fun weekend. They hosted us in their beautiful house in NJ. They drove us into New York on Saturday evening... we drove around in their convertible (through China Town and Little Italy, top-down, freezing weather, bundled-up in blankets and earmuffs, playing loud music, people looking at us like we were a bunch of fags out on the town... which we totally were... it was so much fun!)... then we walked around the village and had some drinks... the two of them are very familiar with the gay bars and places to go/see in the city, so I felt very comfortable and it was SO NICE to be in the city again. (Oh how I've missed the city...) We went to see "Drowsy Chaperone" on Broadway and had front-row mezz seats... it was AWESOME! Then went back to the village to hang out and drink until wee-hours of the morning... and flirt with a bunch of cuties...
Sunday (New Years Eve), we slept in and then helped them prepare for their dinner party that night... they hosted a "murder mystery" party. I was "Mary Kay Eternity" -- in drag, I was the wife of Barry (who played "Jim Bob Eternity") -- we were a TV-evangelist-couple from the south (think Tammy Fae Baker)... very fun... wonderful dinner and lots of champagne...
The following day we recovered from our hangovers and just lounged around.
(Pictures of this also to follow soon...)

January was pretty uneventful... just lots of work, rolling out my system changes to the department, including training all 140 associates in the enhancements.

Barry and I got an SUV (replacing his car) on Jan 24... We got a Toyota FJ Cruiser. It's SO awesome... We totally love it. 4WD and high-clearance... it's going to be so cool to have for the summer going up to camp... and for the winter snow... and just in general it's so cool... :)

Last week (Jan 27 - Feb 3), Barry and I went to Breckenridge, Colorado with a big skiing group. Being that I've always wanted to go skiing out-West... when Matt and Tara suggested that we go with this group that they have gone with a couple times in the past, I jumped at the chance. Barry was looking forward to just getting-away for the week even though he doesn't ski, he figured he could sit in the condo by the fire and relax. It was a great week away from things and I got some good skiing in. At first I was disappointed at the conditions, but then we got about a foot of snow on Wednesday and we went to Vail that day... it was the most amazing riding I've ever done (I'm a snowboarder)... That's what I went out-west expecting. It was great. Barry hurt his knee on the first day, which made it difficult for him to enjoy his time, but we managed to go out around the town one day and go out to eat a couple times. He also cooked a big spaghetti dinner for a group of 10 of us the one night. All-in-all it was a fun time. I'm not sure if I would go out-West for skiing again and may just stick to Vermont for my "big snow"... but who knows... perhaps another ski trip is in my future.

Back to work today... and it's actually been a rather slow day... I caught up on my emails, and thankfully nothing pressing or urgent came-up while I was away. Nothing was planned for today so that I could use the day to catch-up... so I actually had some time to post this. YEAH!

One final note: Barry left his job this afternoon... they really dicked him over -- for the last time! I'm so glad he walked... They gave him a bad annual review... and he works SO DAMN hard for them... they had no right to do that. He stood his ground and told them it was unacceptable to get that kind of rating. They really dicked him over about a raise and promotion several months ago... and things have been going so bad for him there since then... and I've told him several times that the stress of that place isn't worth it... But he kept giving them his best and giving them more chances... today was the final straw, and I'm glad he stood his ground... it's the principle of the whole thing... he handed them an immediate resignation and walked out. On one hand, yes, I'm nervous... with only one salary we're going to have to tighten our belts a little and live a bit less extravagantly... but on the other hand, I'm really happy because perhaps it's a blessing in disguise... A chance for him to start new and fresh somewhere and not have this horrible stress that place was giving him. And also... haven't you always wanted to say "take this job and shove it"? Imagine: he actually got to do that today. *cool*

So that's a wrap-up of the last three months... ending on a pretty big note...
Over the next couple days I'll catch-up on some of my LJ friend's journals... so don't be surprised if you get a response to a post from months ago. :)
*hugs everyone*

Barry and I took off Thursday and Friday last week... we decided that because we weren't going to Hershey on Thursday, we'd make a four day weekend out of it. Don't really know if we "should" have taken off... Barry has had so much to do at work and I'm sure taking the two days did not help much for that... but being with Barry for the two days was really nice... He said to me last week, "I don't care what we do, I just want to be with you." That was really sweet... and we did have a very enjoyable time.

I have to say that we "planned" to do a lot more than we actually were able to do... but never-the-less, we did get a lot accomplished and managed not to rush ourselves.

Thursday we spent the day sleeping-in and then went shopping. We went looking for ideas for some statues to place around our campsite and on the new deck... we shopped for a table and chairs for the deck... and we also started looking into ideas for our "water-feature" that we want to create around the tree on our deck. Had massages that evening, and slept in on Friday... Friday, we did our grocery shopping and jetted up to camp... Really enjoyed our day and evening.

Saturday afternoon, my friends Sean & Jen had a big BBQ and pool party at their house in Scranton. We went there and I really had a great time. These are all the people that I just came out to a few days ago. They all basically knew already and all were SO supportive of me. I told Barry, these people are my second family. And seriously, they are... I grew up at Sean's house almost as much as my own house. The kids all have grown so much and don't recognize me... I mean, I haven't seen them in almost three years I think. It really hit me a little hard when this one kid (who's like 11 or 12 now) didn't remember who I was. I've been away from them all for far too long... hiding from them afraid to come out... and there was no reason too. Some of them even grumbled that I should have come out sooner because they missed me. I really look forward to regaining friendships with them... They are all coming down for Musikfest in two weeks... I CAN'T WAIT!

We left the party a little early, but that allowed us to get back to camp before dark and we even threw together some costumes for the "Masquerade Ball" that evening... Barry actually put on a dress!! Too fun! Another friend, Tom, was trying drag for the first time, and with his encouragement, Barry threw on a dress too... and Heidi Ho came out as "Betty Jo Ho, her cousin from Idaho". (I'm hoping for a picture that someone took...)

Barry got wasted... I felt bad for him the next morning... we didn't wake up until 1pm. And therefore missed our opportunity to return some lumber to Homo Depot (by borrowing Joe's truck)... but I think it will all work-out anyway... we're going to keep the big lumber for when we build our guest house next year... not to mention, who knows what else we may build. :)

OK... that's the recap... now it's 1pm on Monday... and I've done basically nothing all day. I've caught-up on LJ postings... and checked my work email... and had lunch... but now I've GOT to get some real work done!

I haven't been very "posty"... Don't get me wrong, a lot of things have run through my head lately that I said, "Uuu, I should post that"... but they were generally little things and by the time I got to the computer I'd forgotten all about them.

Been pretty busy at work too, so that's always a hindrance to posting... darn work... jeez! It's not like they pay me or anything. Oh... wait... yes, they do. Doh!

This past weekend at camp we were able to all-but finish the deck on our trailer. It's AWESOME! I have some pictures... but I haven't loaded them off my camera yet... *sigh* coming soon...

It was supposed to be a hot and sunny weekend... Saturday it rained... no, it poured! virtually all day. That really made it difficult to work on the deck -- but we managed to still work on the part under the awning during the rain... and made-up a lot of time on Sunday. We had Chuck and Jay up to help all weekend too and they were a big help. Along with some other friends that stopped by to help out (like Dawn, Helen, Scott, Ken, Don).

It's been so HOT the past couple days... up into three-digits... and high humidity. Thank god for air-conditioning! So hot... but honestly, I'm not complaining. I mean, if it weren't for the sweat pouring off my face, I would be totally fine with it. I hate walking in and being all sweaty in my work clothes... once I'm done with work I could care less about all the heat.

I love having four seasons. (You take the good, you take the bad... You take em both and there you have...)

In other news... Barry is going to see the surgeon today for a consultation on his knee. Hopefully it goes well, and the surgery will be "quick and easy", and he'll be back on his feet in no time. (Literally: back on his feet.) I hate seeing him in so much pain.

I have my appointment today with the therapist... I'm actually a little nervous... I hope it goes OK... For those of you hearing about this for the first time right now, I made an appointment with a counselor... in the recent past I was overwhelmed with feelings of being caged-in and not being able to express myself or figure out what I need to do in my life... and they've been suppressed now for the last month or so... and I feel better... on the surface... but a little voice has been inside me saying "something is not right and you need to work this out or you will never truly be happy again"... So I'm going for some third-party advice on how to handle the stress I'm feeling from work, the relationship, and life in general. I just told Barry last night... I need him to be a partner in my healing... Don't know why it took me so long to tell him... (ashamed, nervous, worried? yes... all of the above I guess.)

For those who already knew, thanks for the support thus-far. I hope we both heal quickly (his knee / my brain)... wish us luck.

Had a good, long weekend at camp. Barry and I both got off work early on Friday... it was nice to start the weekend with a bit less stress (than we would have had if we had to pack after a full day of work).

The weekend was spent mostly with our neighbors (Dawn & Helen)... helping them with their deck, but even-more-so just hanging with them and their dogs.

Sunday was the big "Red Cock-Tail-Dress Party"... Heidi Ho made her first appearance of the season... which was fun. Barry couldn't participate because his knee was really bothering him this weekend. I felt really bad for him, and even more-so when I found out just how bad it really was hurting him. Sunday night (after he had a lot of martini and no food) he let his guard down enough to let me know that he was in major pain. I wish there was something more I could have done to help... I wish he would let me help him more sometimes too... but I guess, in reality, it's not like I can go to the bathroom or smoke for him: he's gonna use his knee no matter what... and he's stubborn enough to do what he wants to do and there's no stopping him. *sigh* I wish I could take the pain so he wouldn't have to have it... (Side note: He saw the doctor this morning... strangely [and thankfully] the pain had mostly gone away today. The doctor can't really diagnose it because it's still swollen, so he gave Barry something to take to reduce the swelling and hopefully in two weeks we'll be able to get a better diagnosis.)

The party was fun... and I had a good time overall this weekend... but it didn't really seem like a vacation... I hate to admit it, but I think part of that is because I had to be sober for the entire weekend. There were only a few times when I really was craving a drink... and I'm not sure if "Heidi Ho" was really herself due to not having a buzz to keep her "giddy"... I don't want to think that I can't relax without alcohol... but there's a bit of a factor here where I think that may be the case. I still have 6 more days of this medicine... and 8 days until I can have a beer... I never really craved beer too much, but knowing that I CANNOT have one is driving me crazy... and I SO want a beer. *sigh*

Barry said the same thing about the weekend (that it didn't really feel like a vacation)... so perhaps it's not just because I was sober... although with his knee, he wasn't able to really enjoy himself either. I think a nice weekend for just the two-of-us is needed soon... camp is great, but it doesn't really let us be with each other -- there's too many other people there to that need socializing-with.

OK... well... nothing much else to report. I have a bunch of pictures from the party... I'm glad I took my camera... [subtext: lugged my heavy-ass-camera]... Hopefully will get those posted in the next day or two. Other than that... just work and trying to "catch-up" at home and relax are on my calendar for the next three days.

OK... so I have a ton of work to do... and zero initiative to do it...
I want out of here... TGIF

Went to lunch with a co-worker/friend... had two martini's... enjoyed the conversation... So don't want to be back at my desk (with a pile of work looming over my head)... It's end-of-month day for me, so tons of people complaining and asking questions... ick.

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Last night Barry and I went RV shopping and we found our new trailer...
Terry Quantum 295RTLS (Fifth Wheeler)... Here's a link I found with pictures of the same trailer (this is not "ours" but the same thing and same color scheme): LINK


And I just got the call from the RV dealership that we've been approved for the loan and they're going to start getting it ready for us! WOW! (When I asked what down-payment was required, he said "None! With the good deal you got on the trailer and your stellar credit, you can get anything you want and you got the lowest interest rate going on RVs right now (7.99%)." Whoo hoo! Yay for good credit!)

And, we also decided that we are going to dismantle the porch on the site rather than try to move it. We'll build (or buy) a "guest house" later-on in the summer. That's actually a HUGE load off my mind...

So excited to get the new RV... Yay!

Don't have time to explain too detailed... but wanted it posted: Barry and I are moving... it's official... Dec 31st is our last day here... we're moving back to my condo... Lee is out (as of Nov 1), Ken & Don are moving downstairs... Barry and I are moving in upstairs... I'm nervous about the whole thing ("change is good, change is good" is the mantra to have, right?)... I feel odd about how we broke our lease... I feel uneasy about the move... I wonder about the new living arrangements... I want permanence... I want a home... not a temporary dwelling... My intentions are that we are moving into the condo for the long-haul... no more temporary living... no more boxes left unpacked... no more renting... no more pussy-footing-around... At least that's how I feel now... I'm glad about the renewed energy, even if it is nervous energy. I want to paint and repair and update everything... I don't want anything to look the same as it did when I lived there. Nothing. I want to spend the money we would have spent in rent on making the condo "home"... "our home"...

Thousands of dollars later, and we have a dining room with 6 (of 7) huge boxes in it... and a 50 page book of Bowflex assembly instructions... Oh what fun... and it's 6 of 7 because one of them didn't make it yet... "opened in transit" which delayed its arrival... so I'm working at home again this morning until UPS gets here again today. Hopefully soon, as I kind of miss the office and feel like I should be there.

I had to fast last night for blood-work... I had to go to the doctor this morning at 9am to give some blood (cholesterol and HIV test)... fasting for just overnight and I was feeling all "OMG I have to eat"... I stopped at McD's right after the blood letting... partially a reward for myself at fasting for 12 hours... partially a reward for the "agony" of the blood letting... Needless to say, I guess perhaps I don't have the personal strength to fast (or diet even) for a day like I thought I did.

I'm planning to go to First Thursday tonight. I'm not planning to stay late (probably just 7 to 9 or so)...
Barry is going out with a friend... I'm kind of sad that he didn't invite me along with them. (Jealous? OK, maybe I guess a little, but not excessively, it's more that he's going without even thinking of inviting me, which makes me wonder if he's covering something, which is totally unwarranted, so I know it's just "normal" feelings of insecurity I guess).

Friday, Barry and I are planning a trip to IKEA. Well, OK, so it's my idea and plans... even if it is to get him sheets (heard a commercial that they have a linen sale this weekend: 400-thread-count Queen/King for $40)... but I also just want to do IKEA as it has been ages. Saturday we are going to help Robyn move... then we both took Monday off so that we could stay at camp Sunday and Monday to repair the roof of the porch (which has been leaking and rotting all summer).

Can't frigg'n wait to get into the office and get my Dell too! Poor thing has been sitting there unopened all day yesterday and last night. I guess I do have more strength than I thought because I've been able to keep myself from going into the office and getting it so that I could be here for the Bowflex arrival. Good god will UPS get here already!!

I slept in until almost noon...

Watched TV...

Went to BJ's for supplies with Barry... $216 later, we walk out with a trunk-load of food and stuff. BJ's is dangerous... it's "oh yeah, we could use that and that and that" and it's all at a "good price"... just all those good prices add up quick when your cart is full. Oh well... it is all good stuff... we didn't even buy anything extravagant. (Speaking of which... in addition to the Dell Laptop I bought last week, I also bought Barry and I a Bowflex... one of the Ultimate 2 models [top-of-the-line]... so I think I'm done with "extravagant" purchases for a little while.)

After BJ's we came home and watched TV... and I started to unpack some more... I'm getting on a little anxious kick where I'm getting annoyed at the fact that we STILL have a garage full of boxes after we've lived here for almost 6 months. So I figure I should run with it while I have the unpacking bug.

Now I can't sleep... Barry starts a new schedule tomorrow... 9:30-6:00... he did it so that our schedules would be more in-line with each other (we could wake up together and sleep together)... so we went to bed together at about 11:30... but I couldn't sleep. Possibly because I slept in so late... but also just because I have too much on my mind. I finished the "Condo Certificate of Resale" for one of the unit owners in my condo association that is selling their place. Now I'm just sitting here in front my PC twiddling my thumbs... not able to sleep... it really kind of sucks.

There's a lot of things on my mind... it's not a good thing... and it's making me lose sleep...

Originally posted privately, I related some stuff about how great my weekend went... and some really personal stuff between Barry and I. I'm posting this edited recap of the weekend to share with everyone. The rest with Barry is very private right now and hurts too much to admit to anyone else... I will include just a little of it and the outcome (what I meant by my subject line)...

( Long weekend recap [public version]... )

I love Barry... I love him more today than I have ever loved another person. I was in love with him before, but I LOVE him now.

Friday evening Barry and I had a good, long conversation... We're working together to overcome the issues we had last week... Miscommunication can really snowball and become insurmountable, I'm glad we caught it when we did...

Saturday, we went out for brunch and got some fabric to make togas for the big party that night. We made these really cool togas.. white tunics with gold ribbon trim and royal-purple sashes over the top... I was very impressed with them. (Pictures hopefully will come in from some friends at the party...) Party was very nice affair... with loads of people and could tell that Bill & Jerry definitely put a lot of work / planning into it. Don't really remember coming home or going to bed (just bits and pieces)... had a good time.

Sunday, we started the day at the Angels' Champagne Brunch... very nice gathering with yummy bagels, fruit, waffles, and (of course) champagne. After that we came home and watched some movies and caught up on some TV.