Still that shy 8-year-old...
Oct. 13th, 2004 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
savage25Isn't it great how impersonal and quiet the internet is? How we can write anything we want and feel so free? We can be anything we want and say anything we want... Isn't it great... *dead silence*
Why do I have trouble telling people stuff, but dress me in drag or put a keyboard in front of me, and the world is a stage and I'm the big-mouthed actor who doesn't give a crap about the audience. I'm willing to say anything and do anything...
I'm still like that shy 8-year-old kid who was dead afraid of ordering food at McDonald's and would make his mom order for him. Oh, and yes, I would frigg'n cry if she told me I had to order or else I wouldn't get anything... I would cry and go hungry... What was I so afraid of? What am I so afraid of? That shy kid is still in me...
All 8-year-olds crave attention... They want you to know exactly how they feel. They scream and pout and smile and laugh. They don't hold anything back. But ask them directly and they look at the floor. I wouldn't talk to a stranger, but I'd give them a big smile or stare at them from over the back of the restaurant booth or jump in a puddle and splash them... but I wouldn't ask for a cheeseburger happy meal. Because why? Oh my god, you mean talk to someone and ask them something? Speak to someone directly about how you feel? Oh my god, no way! That would let that person know who I really was, that would let them reply back to me and I could possibly be put on the spot. Let someone know what I want? Ohh Nooo! That would let them say no and reject me! That would leave me open for rejection! Christ, we can't have that... that 8-year-old's biggest fear is that no one will like him, so if he doesn't talk to anyone then how could they not like him?
Well, look at me, rambling to the masses again... Thank god for the internet or else I'd have to dress in drag all the time. *dead silence*
Why do I have trouble telling people stuff, but dress me in drag or put a keyboard in front of me, and the world is a stage and I'm the big-mouthed actor who doesn't give a crap about the audience. I'm willing to say anything and do anything...
I'm still like that shy 8-year-old kid who was dead afraid of ordering food at McDonald's and would make his mom order for him. Oh, and yes, I would frigg'n cry if she told me I had to order or else I wouldn't get anything... I would cry and go hungry... What was I so afraid of? What am I so afraid of? That shy kid is still in me...
All 8-year-olds crave attention... They want you to know exactly how they feel. They scream and pout and smile and laugh. They don't hold anything back. But ask them directly and they look at the floor. I wouldn't talk to a stranger, but I'd give them a big smile or stare at them from over the back of the restaurant booth or jump in a puddle and splash them... but I wouldn't ask for a cheeseburger happy meal. Because why? Oh my god, you mean talk to someone and ask them something? Speak to someone directly about how you feel? Oh my god, no way! That would let that person know who I really was, that would let them reply back to me and I could possibly be put on the spot. Let someone know what I want? Ohh Nooo! That would let them say no and reject me! That would leave me open for rejection! Christ, we can't have that... that 8-year-old's biggest fear is that no one will like him, so if he doesn't talk to anyone then how could they not like him?
Well, look at me, rambling to the masses again... Thank god for the internet or else I'd have to dress in drag all the time. *dead silence*
