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Moody and Crappy...
Jan. 12th, 2005 11:31 amLet it be known that Paul does get depressed sometimes... I knew that already... a lot of people knew that already. So why does it just absolutely suck when I get there... you'd think you can just tell yourself "I know I'm depressed, so get over it." And I do, and it works a little.
I think last night's depression / mood was because I'm completely overwhelmed by a messy house, my kitchen floor is ruined, I can't find my cell phone charger, there are so many things "missing" in my house (because all of my piles were "distributed and hidden" by other people in preparation for the party). I HATE not knowing where my stuff is... I HATE looking for something and not finding it where it is supposed to be... I HATE not having a proper place for things. I guess Barry and I will get along smashingly-great in this aspect... now... if I can only get things back to a functioning level again... it's gonna be a tough climb out of the pits of mess.
Good Thoughts:
* I'm going skiing tonight (actually I snowboard). The weather sucks and I can't imagine that it's going to be good conditions... but I'm going anyway. I already paid for it (bought tickets with the NET ski group), so I don't have much choice...
* This weekend is a three day weekend... AND I don't have ANY plans yet. Barry and I talked about it a little last night on the phone and I think we will be spending it together. I wonder if we can get away from town?
Random Crap:
* I slept 11 hours last night... and I'm still tired.
* Work is sucking so bad today! I'm sitting here typing this while our company is presenting a town-hall on the phone (and online) -- she is reviewing our "plans for next year" and it is such bull shit and I have no desire to hear any of it... because I totally feel no connection or positive feelings for D&B. I truly feel like it is the worst place in the world to work right now. (I know it's not, and I get paid well, so I should just stop that negative thinking right now and enjoy the paycheck.)
* How sad is that, all I really care about is my paycheck... do I really not care a thing for the company and what I'm doing here?
* I miss Barry... I haven't seen him since Sunday... I know, I know, that's only three days... he didn't come over last night... I was sad he didn't come over... The weather was looking like it might be bad and so he stayed home. It's probably best that he did... I was in a sucky sucky mood and would have been whiny and ugly... too early in the relationship for me to be whiny and ugly in front of him, isn't it? I called him and tried not to cry and complain... I think I did OK.
* I cooked dinner last night... it was good... Chicken, stuffing, and sweet-potatoes. I forgot to bring the leftovers in for lunch.
* I truly feel like the "High" of throwing the party this weekend is being balanced off by my "Low" right now... Ying and Yang...
I could go on and on... but I think this journal entry has gotten enough crap in it for one entry...
It's interesting... I'm moody and crappy, but deep down I know that there is so much to be happy and excited about. I'm depressed, but not really... I think it's more of feeling "overwhelmed" and "let down" more than anything... It'll work out...
I think last night's depression / mood was because I'm completely overwhelmed by a messy house, my kitchen floor is ruined, I can't find my cell phone charger, there are so many things "missing" in my house (because all of my piles were "distributed and hidden" by other people in preparation for the party). I HATE not knowing where my stuff is... I HATE looking for something and not finding it where it is supposed to be... I HATE not having a proper place for things. I guess Barry and I will get along smashingly-great in this aspect... now... if I can only get things back to a functioning level again... it's gonna be a tough climb out of the pits of mess.
Good Thoughts:
* I'm going skiing tonight (actually I snowboard). The weather sucks and I can't imagine that it's going to be good conditions... but I'm going anyway. I already paid for it (bought tickets with the NET ski group), so I don't have much choice...
* This weekend is a three day weekend... AND I don't have ANY plans yet. Barry and I talked about it a little last night on the phone and I think we will be spending it together. I wonder if we can get away from town?
Random Crap:
* I slept 11 hours last night... and I'm still tired.
* Work is sucking so bad today! I'm sitting here typing this while our company is presenting a town-hall on the phone (and online) -- she is reviewing our "plans for next year" and it is such bull shit and I have no desire to hear any of it... because I totally feel no connection or positive feelings for D&B. I truly feel like it is the worst place in the world to work right now. (I know it's not, and I get paid well, so I should just stop that negative thinking right now and enjoy the paycheck.)
* How sad is that, all I really care about is my paycheck... do I really not care a thing for the company and what I'm doing here?
* I miss Barry... I haven't seen him since Sunday... I know, I know, that's only three days... he didn't come over last night... I was sad he didn't come over... The weather was looking like it might be bad and so he stayed home. It's probably best that he did... I was in a sucky sucky mood and would have been whiny and ugly... too early in the relationship for me to be whiny and ugly in front of him, isn't it? I called him and tried not to cry and complain... I think I did OK.
* I cooked dinner last night... it was good... Chicken, stuffing, and sweet-potatoes. I forgot to bring the leftovers in for lunch.
* I truly feel like the "High" of throwing the party this weekend is being balanced off by my "Low" right now... Ying and Yang...
I could go on and on... but I think this journal entry has gotten enough crap in it for one entry...
It's interesting... I'm moody and crappy, but deep down I know that there is so much to be happy and excited about. I'm depressed, but not really... I think it's more of feeling "overwhelmed" and "let down" more than anything... It'll work out...
