savage25: (Default)
OMG... I'm freaking out... It's 1am... I haven't packed...

I went skiing tonight... it was fun... only took a few runs... had too much to do at home...

Lee's move occurred today. His room downstairs was cleared out by us yesterday (into the back room). All his stuff got moved in today... he's got quite a bit, but it all looks like it's actually going to fit... bed and desk look good. He got the bed setup and I hooked up his computer, TV, VCR, DVD, and phone. I believe his goal is to work on it all day tomorrow and get it really unpacked and cleaned-up. (Unpacked to the point where the boxes that he won't be using will be stacked in "storage" in the back room.)

So, he was able to move out of the "guest room" and this became Ken & Don's room... they quickly moved in and cleaned it up. It's amazing! I'm really amazed at how quick Ken and Don can be at straightening and cleaning a room. Ken has cleaned both fish tanks (they look amazing), the living room has been reset back to normal, he straightened the storage room to make it more accessible. He said this weekend he will clean the whole house. I'm in a bit of a state of shock... it's so wonderful.

So... on one hand... I'm in shock that the house is now a four-person household... and there is so much stuff here that things are stacked floor to ceiling in the storage room. But, on the other hand, I'm so relieved that the house is looking so wonderful again. It's amazing how great having clean fish tanks and an organized living room can make me feel.

I've felt like I've met people at strategic times in my life... and people come into our lives usually just-in-time... well... I feel that way about how everything is working out with Ken & Don. Yes, it's overwhelming to have such an upheaval in the household and major changes... but it's also so wonderful and just what I needed. Granted, the timing (of me leaving for Mardi Gras on Friday) could have been a little better... and I haven't yet begun to pack, and it's 1am, and I need to be done by morning... but dash it all... I pack under pressure all the time anyway... it'll be just fine...

So... although tired as hell, worn out, drained, sore, and just a little cranky... my overall mood is actually "content".
savage25: (Contemplative)
Isn't it great how impersonal and quiet the internet is? How we can write anything we want and feel so free? We can be anything we want and say anything we want... Isn't it great... *dead silence*

Why do I have trouble telling people stuff, but dress me in drag or put a keyboard in front of me, and the world is a stage and I'm the big-mouthed actor who doesn't give a crap about the audience. I'm willing to say anything and do anything...

I'm still like that shy 8-year-old kid who was dead afraid of ordering food at McDonald's and would make his mom order for him. Oh, and yes, I would frigg'n cry if she told me I had to order or else I wouldn't get anything... I would cry and go hungry... What was I so afraid of? What am I so afraid of? That shy kid is still in me...

All 8-year-olds crave attention... They want you to know exactly how they feel. They scream and pout and smile and laugh. They don't hold anything back. But ask them directly and they look at the floor. I wouldn't talk to a stranger, but I'd give them a big smile or stare at them from over the back of the restaurant booth or jump in a puddle and splash them... but I wouldn't ask for a cheeseburger happy meal. Because why? Oh my god, you mean talk to someone and ask them something? Speak to someone directly about how you feel? Oh my god, no way! That would let that person know who I really was, that would let them reply back to me and I could possibly be put on the spot. Let someone know what I want? Ohh Nooo! That would let them say no and reject me! That would leave me open for rejection! Christ, we can't have that... that 8-year-old's biggest fear is that no one will like him, so if he doesn't talk to anyone then how could they not like him?

Well, look at me, rambling to the masses again... Thank god for the internet or else I'd have to dress in drag all the time. *dead silence*

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Paul

January 2009

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