savage25: (Condolence)
Just wanted to post a quick little entry to recap the vacation weekend.

Barry and I drove to my parent's in West Virginia on Wednesday. Fairly easy drive... had a really good time with my parents and family. And Thanksgiving dinner went very well. There were 26 people -- my mom's side of the family... almost all of them. Barry was a major help in the kitchen, keeping everything cooking and making sure everything was ready on-time.

We made a video for my grandma (mom's mom) where everyone related their favorite "Holiday Memory" and wished her well -- since she lives in Florida and can't travel to be with everyone. It was really nice... now if we (Barry and I) can just get it burnt to a DVD -- darn software is not working quiet the way it should.

Black Friday was spent with family, sitting around and chatting... and a little shopping thrown in.

Barry and I drove back home on Saturday. We then went to Santa Saturday in New Hope... got there just as the main festivities were ending, but honestly, that was OK with me... seemed a bit (a lot) crowded, and I'm not sure I was really in the mood. We got to see Frank and David and have dinner with them... which was really nice. Also got to see one of the local bed and breakfasts (Wishing Well) where a bunch of guys from camp were staying. It was nice. My favorite room was the one behind the bookcase. I drove us home (as Barry was tired of driving since he drove all day, and because he had a bit more to drink than I).

Sunday night I went to my uncle's viewing. We buried Uncle Stanley today. He passed away on Wednesday morning... My father's brother... it was a really sad thanksgiving for that side of the family. I don't have too many memories of Uncle Stanley -- mostly that he was just a nice guy, and always talking about where he had been making his deliveries lately (deliveries for a produce company I believe). I remember him coming to our house in the country when I was very young to fill up milk jugs with our well-water... and me being scared by him... showing up when I least expected it or something. Now I look back and laugh and wonder why I didn't spend more time with him or talking with him. *sigh*

It was good seeing family and all -- just one of those "wish it was under better circumstances" kind of things.

Oh... yeah... and I got a speeding ticket on my way to the funeral. UGH.
savage25: (Default)
Kylie & Uncle Paul

Me with my new niece, Kylie. She was born yesterday evening (Mar 3rd).

She's such a cutie!!

Barry and I picked up my mom at the airport and went to the hospital to spend the afternoon with her and her mom & dad. Marea (my sister) and Chris are doing very well and very happy with their new daughter.
savage25: (Default)
Just saw Paris Hilton's video "Nothing in this World"... and for some reason it totally inspired me to make a journal entry. (Rambling deep thoughts...)

So in this video, a poor kid (aka dork) is getting bullied in school... but dreams of Paris Hilton being his girl... and then one day she moves in next to him... and he asks if she'll go to the school with him... and she does... and everyone's jaw drops... yada, yada, yada...
Cheesy, I know... but somehow... gave me the chills... and was just totally cute!
And they flashed the words "Dare to Dream"... what a great journal entry I thought.
Dork that I am... I still dare to dream.
I think sometimes (quite a bit recently) I think that I can't dream anymore... and that my old dreams are just never going to come true...
but then... sometimes... I think that perhaps my dreams have just changed... and that's OK.
But... the problem is when I don't dream anymore... or feel I can't...
that loss of hope... you know what I mean?
But there is hope, and there are dreams...
just lots of new dreams...
so don't get hung up on your old dreams... just because they were old dreams that may not have happened...
make up some new dreams...
just don't stop dreaming.

I've been distant from LJ for a while... There's several factors as-to why... some good, some not-so-good, and some just-because I'm busy... But I'm going to spend a few minutes catching-up on some LJ friends dreams now...
savage25: (Contemplative)
Watched the series finale to "Six Feet Under" last night. OMG, I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. It was a really beautiful show... and such a great ending. I don't really know why it caused so much emotion in me... but seeing Claire drive off, following her dreams, while they flash to the future deaths of all the cast, just totally tore me up... Showing how even though she doesn't know where life will take her next, there's a lot in store for her and for her family, and they have a lot of living to do... they make it through the challenges facing them, they take a lot of chances and strive to live life fully... and they do. Moving to New York, with no job, she takes a chance, she sets out without knowing what will happen, but she does it.

It really struck a chord in me or something... Lately I've been having these feelings of "Is this all life has to offer?" Feelings like I want to just pack-up with Barry and move and start life anew somewhere else... To run away from everything and try my hand at something completely off the wall in New York City or Ireland or middle-of-nowhere-midwest or Maine or anywhere... I have yet to figure out the cause of this desire for drastic change... perhaps it is inspired in part by my parents' recent move to Georgia; perhaps I'm feeling bored with my job; perhaps my life is changing and I don't know how to do it in small steps (I just want it to be changed instantly)... I think there are a lot of reasons and a lot of things factoring in... and I'm just in an emotional state lately...

I came into the office this morning and walked past our little store in the building... Rudy was baking cookies and the smell wafted to my nose. Normally this would make me crave cookies and/or food... but today it had a different affect on me... for some strange reason, the smell triggered a memory... and memory of Disney World. Not a specific memory exactly, but just the smell of Main Street near the bake-shop, or Epcot's The Land food court, or not even a specific place, but my mind wandered instantly off to the Magic Kingdom... where dreams really do come true... Good god I feel like crying... I feel like I'm having a mini-mid-life-crisis or something...

PostSecret

May. 19th, 2005 08:30 am
savage25: (Default)
I found this "postsecret" link through blog-surfing... OMG, it's both touching and funny... Here's my favorite: (click to follow through to the "postsecret" blog)



Guess it's my favorite because it "hits close to home" with me...
savage25: (Contemplative)
Heard on the way into work this morning...
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth
What a beautiful song... *happy sigh*



Had a beautiful and relaxing morning with Barry... I cooked him an omelet and we had a wonderfully brilliant morning... He was late for work... but sometimes being late is just necessary... he's in a very stressful week... I like making him feel better... We cannot wait for this weekend... we both need a break... him more than me I think... but we both need it.
savage25: (Default)
On my way into work today, drove past two teen boys on the sidewalk in front of my condo. The one was picking up a stick and they were chatting back and forth. Caught my eye, and I looked quick at what they were doing... noticed a dead raccoon or cat (or something about that size) laying between the road and sidewalk in the grass... they proceeded to poke the dead animal with the twig. I had to giggle... I know it's sad that there's this dead animal... but seeing these two boys, so wide-eyed and poking the thing with a stick to see if it was alive. I could imagine the one daring the other to touch it or something. Ahhh... those were the days... when everything was new and amazing... and seeing a dead animal was more about the curiosity of what would happen if you poked it rather than thinking "Ugh, gross, who's gonna clean that up".



Last night Barry shocked me... asked if we should fly somewhere this weekend, spur-of-the-moment. Someplace hot and with a nice beach... we looked at all kinds of flights online and "last minute deals"... we couldn't find anything (except Houston, TX). I really thought that there would be more out there for last minute travel deals... perhaps we were looking 1-day too late. But I could have sworn there was a time when you could look up travel for tomorrow and find all these great openings. Oh well. It was so sudden... I was freaked out at first but would have totally gone if we could have found something very cheap...
savage25: (Default)
Working from home... half a sick day as I'm fighting a rough cold -- which I no doubt aggravated the cold this weekend from lack of sleep and being cold...

Long description of weekend... )

So... now you can see why I was so tired last night and why I did nothing to thwart this cold that is now hitting me hard.
savage25: (Contemplative)
Isn't it great how impersonal and quiet the internet is? How we can write anything we want and feel so free? We can be anything we want and say anything we want... Isn't it great... *dead silence*

Why do I have trouble telling people stuff, but dress me in drag or put a keyboard in front of me, and the world is a stage and I'm the big-mouthed actor who doesn't give a crap about the audience. I'm willing to say anything and do anything...

I'm still like that shy 8-year-old kid who was dead afraid of ordering food at McDonald's and would make his mom order for him. Oh, and yes, I would frigg'n cry if she told me I had to order or else I wouldn't get anything... I would cry and go hungry... What was I so afraid of? What am I so afraid of? That shy kid is still in me...

All 8-year-olds crave attention... They want you to know exactly how they feel. They scream and pout and smile and laugh. They don't hold anything back. But ask them directly and they look at the floor. I wouldn't talk to a stranger, but I'd give them a big smile or stare at them from over the back of the restaurant booth or jump in a puddle and splash them... but I wouldn't ask for a cheeseburger happy meal. Because why? Oh my god, you mean talk to someone and ask them something? Speak to someone directly about how you feel? Oh my god, no way! That would let that person know who I really was, that would let them reply back to me and I could possibly be put on the spot. Let someone know what I want? Ohh Nooo! That would let them say no and reject me! That would leave me open for rejection! Christ, we can't have that... that 8-year-old's biggest fear is that no one will like him, so if he doesn't talk to anyone then how could they not like him?

Well, look at me, rambling to the masses again... Thank god for the internet or else I'd have to dress in drag all the time. *dead silence*

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Paul

January 2009

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